My Disease

It's funny how time changes after you have a baby.

 

Night and Day blur together. Weeks seem longer, but months pass by so quickly.

This is how it is for me anyway - I get 'time disorientation' after having a baby. Life changes and its all about surviving on little sleep and getting through each feed. Somehow or other, time warps!

 

A couple of weeks after Teancum was born, my friend and neighbour came over for a visit. She often checks in to see how I am doing. Sometimes she brings some baked goods over, other times she cleans and helps with the kids. I think she enjoys the times most when she is able to cuddle and settle the baby. Whatever it is, she always seems to knock on the door at the right time.

 

Anyway, this particular visit, I was in my pjs (as usual) my boobs were huge and sore (sorry to any guys who may be reading) I hadn't showered for nearly two days and I was dead tired. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just cant hide feeling like a mess.

 

My friend asked how I was and forgetting myself, I told her how I was totally and completely in love with this new little man in my life. I went on with all the details of how much I loved to cuddle and feed him, how I loved his cute little snorting noises he made when he was hungry. How I thought he was very cheeky since at that stage he would only sleep if it was in bed with me. 

 

She listened, watching me in my disheveled appearance as I went on about how much I was enjoying my baby. When I finished, she looked at me and said (with all seriousness) 'There's a name for the disease you have.' 

 

 

 

She told me that there are people who are addicted to having babies.

 

Since having Teancum I have been asked many times if I'll be having any more children. Actually it seems to be the favourite question. All the mums at school and kinder have been gobsmacked when I have told them that I'd love to have another child but I don't know for sure at the moment. They look at me the same way my neighbour did that day, like I have some strange baby loving disease.

 

The funny thing is, I look at them, completely eluded as to why they don't get it. I have no idea why other mums don't enjoy having and raising children as much as I do. I don't mind at all that they think I may be a little nutty, I do feel sad though that maybe they don't get the same depth of satisfaction and fulfillment as I do from being a mother. I have five great achievemnts in my life - and they range from 8 weeks old to 10 years.

 

I have no idea if we'll have more children. I would love to continue expanding our family. Now that Teancum is here with us, we can't imagine life without him. The other kids adore him as much as I do. When he cries, they all run to his cot. When I change him, I have a little line of followers keen to observe as I change a dirty nappy. I thought the novelty may have worn off for the kids by now, but at eight weeks, it's still as enjoyable for them as the first week was.

 

I am happy to have made it this far breastfeeding too. By this stage with the others I was needing to introduce and supplement some feeds with formula. My babies and I have a lot of trouble with feeding. Teancum struggles too. The feeds aren't pain free for either of us at the moment but I am hoping that it will get better with time.

 

At the end of each feed, once bubby has all his wind and excess milk up.... once he is comfortable, he looks up at me with his beautiful brown eyes. He is so adorable to me that I can't help but smile and talk to him. He returns my affection with a cute smile and scrunched up nose. He also loves to have a chat now. Lots of goo-ing and gaa-ing.

When he does this, for that moment, time seems to stop completely. I can no longer feel my sore boobs (sorry again boys) My tiredness is gone and I am totally immersed in the miracle of this little life smiling up at me from my lap. Nothing else matters and I wonder how anything could really matter more than this.

I don't know, maybe its just part of my disease.